Just now realized their hairdos kinda matched.

First up, the Daily Mirror publishes a specious story about Madonna and Janet meeting at the MTV Video Music Awards and then again bonding over dinner at Butter here in NYC. I would find this fascinating but I can't really believe it...wouldn't MTV have reported on these two female icons meeting backstage? Are there really no paparazzi shots or fan reports of them eating at Butter—a high-profile place—during Fashion/VMAs Week?

Not helping the story with credibility is a slew of quotes from an insider about how Madonna wants to collaborate with Janet...and could include daughter Mercy. Oh, man, to be paid to make shit up...

Also and the Ma-Gossip front, E! Online publishes some outrageously catty comments from Madonna's (allegedly fat, allegedly ugly, allegedly druggie) brother Christopher out of nowhere, giving him the chance to pick apart her MTV Video Music Awards look. Whether you liked her look or not, the vast majority of the response from the public has been "Madonna looks great!" (even if some of them follow up with "...for a change!"), yet Christopher feels the need to say she looks "like Rachel Zoe gone horribly wrong!"

First of all, old geezer, Madonna looks nothing like Rachel Zoe. Second of all, Rachel Zoe is Rachel Zoe gone horribly wrong. Try Catherine Deneuve if you like the look or Faye Dunaway if you don't.

He then says, "It proves that you can judge a person by the company they keep—or don't keep."

E! Online weirdly assumes this is a dig at Jesus Luz, who Christopher has never met (but photos of whom he has probably jerked himself dry to many a time), when it's obvious that he's slamming her for not keeping company with Christopher anymore. Then, he says, "It's painfully apparent that Jesus may be able to turn water into wine, but your basic blow dryer eludes him." This time he's really talking about Jesus, but...what would Jesus have to do with Madonna's hair, and what the fuck is wrong with her hair? Again, most people likes Madonna's look. Christopher is the expert on hair despite having so little of it?

Out of nowhere, E! Online infers from the blow dryer comment that Christopher may be "implying that Madonna's rosy glow is more manmade than au naturel." How do these thoughts relate? Granted, he's tackily slammed his own sister's surgery already, but...aren't his 15 minutes up? Weren't they up once he was dismissed years ago for being a talentless money pit?

If I as a fan or if someone as an anti-fan wants to carp about Madonna appearance, that's human nature. But don't trash your own flesh and blood just to get your name in print. Is he hoping to become a celebrity pundit of some sort?