More after the jump...

Star (January 11, 2010) reports that both Cate Blanchett and Keira Knightley have turned down Madonna's request to star as Wallis Simpson in the next film she hopes to direct, a biopic on the late Duchess of Windsor's not unexciting life. An unnamed source tattles, "There are worries that Madonna will get too involved because she wrote the script and the music. And there's the concern that she may want to take a small role which would discredit the film." Wouldn't her directing it discredit the film? (I'm not saying this as me, I'm saying this as anyone in Hollywood who would find her taking a small role a discredit.)

As seen in Us (January 11, 2010): What's it say about our culture that 100 people (presumably adults?) quizzed in Times Square (when they weren't too busy avoiding mysterious potential van-bombs) overwhelmingly chose a 17-year-old as having the best body when shown images of six of Hollywood's current hottest heartthrobs?

Granted, Taylor Lautner has a ridiculous body. But still!

Meanwhile, how could Jake Gyllenhaal only knock down 5% of the vote?

UPDATE: Maybe the big story won't end up being that he dies or that he had an actual heart attack, but that he's...back on the "meds".

Now that Rush Limbaugh has had a heart attack (or otherwise been hospitalized with chest pains), Twitter is alive with hopes for his death and wishes for his speedy recovery. If he lives, I imagine he'll go ape over all the liberals who made light of his sickness, conveniently forgetting his and his followers' appalling comments about Ted Kennedy. And didn't thousands on the right buy T-shirts implicitly calling for President Obama's death? (Limbaugh called Kurt Cobain a "worthless shred of human debris" with the rockstar died.)

If he lives, I have a sick feeling President Obama will visit him; well wishes would be enough.

Regardless, it's fascinating that he is in Hawaii right after Sarah Palin and at the same time as President Obama...and is hospitalized in the same facility where Obama was born.

Bradley Cooper...thank you. 

National Enquirer (January 11, 2010) tackles the age-old, oft-asked question: "Who's Gay & Who's Not?" this week. Here's the low-down on who's on the down-low:

John Balsom shot the hot image above for the spread "The Everyman" from GQ Style (Autumn-Winter 2009/2010). Below, National Enquirer (January 11, 2010) unearths a 1993 image of Jamie Foxx in a g-string in the context of trying to "prove" whether or not he's secretly gay. Their decision is that he has a daughter and "is often seen gallivanting with beautiful women," so could not be. Who writes these old-lady tabloids? "Gallivating?" Is that like dry canoodling?

People (January 11, 2010) offers a special "half their size" issue about men and women who've dropped tons of weight, and I think 26-year-old David Keenan should win an award for most improved—he dropped 180 pounds and now looks like something I'd be all over in a carefree heartbeat:

In OK! (January 11, 2010), Glee's Jane Lynch reveals she's a Madonna fan, saying the last song she downloaded was Madonna's "Vogue":

"I've been kind of up on Madonna these days. I grew up in the '80s, so she provided the soundtrack to my life. I think my favorite song is 'Crazy for You'. It's got such an aching and a longing to it; I know we're doing that song in the Madonna episode [on Glee]."

The first confirmation of one of the songs used in the upcoming Madonna episode. (Wait, she "grew up" in the '80s? She would've been in her twenties throughout...? Never mind. Pro-Madonna is pro-Madonna.)

W's Korean edition subtly but noticeably fixes Demi's missing hip, the one she and her people and the magazine and the photographers claim was never retouched (incorrectly or correctly) in the first place.