Cardinal Sean Brady, the leader of the Catholic Church in Ireland, has admitted he was part of a closed tribunal in 1975 that ordered two children who'd been molested by a priest to sign an oath of silence. Despite this, he has no intention of resigning.

On top of the gay-hustler scandal that exposed the Pope's own brother's transgressions, it's going to be a race against the clock until eightysomething Pope Nazi either steps down or arrives at the pearly gates.