The new Hayes Code: Straight-acting 

So I watched the Tonys, which weren't bad if you ignored some of the actual winners. It just seemed like the absence of the critics—who no longer get to participate in voting—was deeply felt considering the fact that most of the winners were movie stars, and most of the honored shows were crowd-pleasers. (That said, I've heard Scarlett Johansson's performance was amazing and Denzel Washington seemed a shoo-in either way.)

I mean...Memphis? I doubt it.

Sean Hayes makes a big deal out of it 

I thought Sean Hayes did a pretty good job hosting, though I could have done without the two unveilings of his package and was rolling my eyes at his kiss with Kristin Chenoweth just because it was so expected that he'd do something to answer to Newsweek.

I don't like Catherine Zeta Jones, but had been debating if I'd try to see her and Angela Lansbury in A Little Night Music or would wait for Bernadette Peters and Elaine Stritch. Seeing Jones's silent movie star mannerisms while singing "Send in the Clowns" did nothing for me, and her even less sincere "shocked!" routine when she won the Tony made me realize I had no interest in paying to see her do anything. I see her and Michael Douglas as being similar to Will Smith and his wife Jada—a self-conscious power couple looking for success but lacking charm and sincerity.

I'd heard Viola Davis was a lock, and while she seems the opposite of the Smiths and Douglases in the sincerity department, I have to roll my eyes whenever religious types testify that God's had a hand in their miraculous lives. "I don't believe in luck," she said. Well, I do; which is not to take away from all her hard work and success, but which is to point out that for every Viola Davis there are millions of others who never make it and I don't believe God has favorites because untold numbers of life's losers are just as devout as life's precious few winners.

I've already grumpily disparaged La Cage aux Folles enough, so I'll just say it was nice that they chose to perform the absolute best song, even if the performance teetered on drag panic. (Matthew Morrison just can't escape the perception that he digs guys, can he? For good measure, he balanced his brilliant,, gay-quality dancing by singing, literally, "All I Need is the Girl".) Hodge's quip about La Cage being a place to see "a Democrat kiss a Republican."

Year of the Woman of the Year

Oh, and she has more filler than a Stephenie Meyer novel, but Raquel Welch looks about 49 and a half years of age.