The winner of the week? FLOTUS!

Aside from Michelle Obama making a genuinely shocking and winning appearance—and even presenting the Best Picture award!—and spectacular performances by the Les Miz cast (fuck the haters) Jennifer Hudson, Adele (okay, she was slightly muted) and a gorgeous, adamantly "I'm-still-here" Streisand, The Oscars were, IMHO, pretty terrible.

If she had the chance, Barbra Streisand would do it all again

I don't think Seth MacFarlane is at all suited for this kind of gig. He is not a stand-up performer. His jokes mostly landed with thuds or were delivered with uncertainty or with those cringe-making asides like, "That's why it's live, folks!" etc.

I hated the fact that William Shatner, not known for being a movie actor, was so much a part of the opening. I thought the taped bits were funny and MacFarlane and the others sang and danced well, but it went nowhere fast...

I thought his more risqué/mean/dark jokes were really ill-suited to the evening. He just could not pull them off. His racial jokes would have been subversive and obviously not racist in the '7os on SNL, but in 2013 they're just blunt frat-boy humor. Same with the gay, fat and "funny accents" garbage. He wasn't outrageously offensive (the Lincoln head joke was really in poor taste for the venue), just kinda "off."

The finale was abominable. "Here's to the Losers" has been done before, and in this case, he muffed it and was impossible to hear. Really lame. I wanted the Jaws music.

Surprises: Ang Lee mildly surprised me, Waltz for Supporting Actor shocked me—he was not my first or second guess. It didn't surprise me that Catherine Zeta Jones lip-synched (she was always miscast in that role and I still hate that Chicago won for movie and that she won a Best Actress statuette for it) because she is not a very good singer. But it was shocking how badly she did it, and a real embarrassment, especially right before so many great live vocals.

I think the right people mostly won, though, so that's a good thing. I loved the work from Jennifer Lawrence and Ben Affleck and Anne Hathaway and Daniel Day-Lewis. I'll have to see The Life of Pi stat!

What did you think?