My "then and now" gallery is above...

I wasn't going to attend the latest Hollywood Show in L.A. at the Westin LAX this past Saturday. I'd made up my mind that while dropping in would make all the sense in the world if I were an Angeleno, dropping in from across the frickin' country made about as much sense as the fact that Joan Collins does these things out of an actual need for cash. (See my other trips to autograph shows at #5 on this list.)

“Even my worst orgasm was right on the money.”—Woody Allen

But then I figured out a bunch of other stuff to do in L.A. and splurged, booking Monday and arriving with some goodies for a variety of the over 100 (!) scheduled stars to sign. Unfortunately, it was one of my least exciting shows, but I was still reminded of that Woody Allen quote. You know the one.

Haunting detail from a covered table

The show was meh because, for one thing, quite a few stars canceled, including some whose advertised presence had helped me decide to go in the first place. For example, I'd spent part of one day sourcing a fabulous Rene Auberjonois portrait from The Eyes of Laura Mars on eBay, then tracking it down in person here in NYC, only to discover that he'd canceled the night before. Apparently, Rene told a fellow celebrity guest, “I don't have any pictures to bring so I'm not going.”

I will get this signed by you, Rene!

I also missed seeing Dale Bozzio, the original Lady Gaga, whose lead vocals on the Missing Persons record Spring Session M are the perfect combo of pleasing and unnerving. No matter that she's since become a crazy cat lady—I love huh!

Elliott Gould was a no-show...how would he have reacted if asked to sign this?

But it's a thin line between love and hate when it comes to fandom. I overheard one attendee fuming that the gossip columnist Rona Barrett had canceled (another one I'd been so curious to meet), saying, “She canceled? What a fucking bitch! I'm dying to meet her!”

Kelli told me my friend, a former co-star of hers, would "clean up" if they did the show in tandem.

Not having as many stars to “get” made for a leisurely show. Unfortunately, it did not make for one of my favorite shows; kudos to the organizers for rounding up so many diverse celebs, but it just so happened that the ones I was most excited to meet didn't wow me. I had precious few fun encounters...well, if we're talking about the ones with celebrities.

Here they are. I calls 'em likes I sees 'em...

 

Men's Health (May 2014) sports Aaron Taylor-Johnson of Godzilla on its cover, promising to clue us in on how he built 15 pounds of muscle for the flick. I'll give you one guess how he really built it, and guess what? It isn't listed in the magazine.

I hadn't realized Taylor-Johnson had pulled a Patrick Dempsey, marrying a filmmaker twice his age (Samantha Taylor-Johnson), with whom he is raising four kids, including two from her previous marriage. Of this family situation, he says the idea he should be sowing oats at Hollywood parties instead of being challenged by fatherhood and marriage is wrong-headed:

“That's bullshit. They're not challenges. People are like, 'Don't you have to work really hard?' And I'm like, 'If you think it's hard, you must be in a shit marriage.'...It's the way I like my life. I like it nonstop.”

Doris day on April 4, 2014, by Jackie Joseph-Lawrence

Doris Day, who has been downright reclusive for much of her eighties, made a surprise appearance at this weekend's festivities marking her ninetieth birthday. Last night, she attended a tribute dinner for fans and friends in support of the Doris Day Animal Foundation.

She looked, as you can see from this lovely cell snap above by the actress Jackie Joseph-Lawrence and the shot at right from The Judy Garland Experience, radiant at 90!

Official 90th birthday snap as given to People

Day also released an official photo, and appeared on her balcony when fans came to serenade her, waving to them warmly.

Following hot on the heels of her engaging chat with TCM's Robert Osborne, in which she flirted with the idea of working again, it's hard not to hope that she finds some way to do a role in a movie sometime, or a TV cameo. She's a treasure, so it's nice to see her out and about.

She's even landed a magazine cover in the UK, but this link has a few ridiculously mislabeled photos that show her in the '60s but that are said to have been from the '00s.

Selfie-Esteem: Selfies may be leading to the rise in plastic surgery.

Original photography by Matthew Rettenmund

"I've never had any plastic surgery. Except I had an eye done once."

It could have been a conversation between Joan Blondell and Eve Arden in the late '60s, but it was a conversation between two middle-aged (if we live into our nineties) gay men in 2014. One of them was me.

I'd asked a pal of mine about cosmetic surgery and was surprised my friend didn't "count" the surgical correction of a drooping eyelid. Apparently, the lid could have obstructed his vision so was classified as something he needed. He told me it—however you'd classify it—had gone well and had never been something he regretted.

In anticipation of this post, I'd asked male acquaintances and Facebook friends for their experiences with plastic surgery, and had received a raft of responses, right in line with statistics that show men are catching up to women in this arena. As of 2012, about a million American men were opting for plastic surgery of some kind every year, including sharp increases in men seeking facelifts, lipo and breast reduction. That accounted for only 10% of procedures overall, but the numbers feel outdated already.

Are you satisfied with what you've got?

"I've had lots done!" one friend wrote me. "Nose job, 3 gynecomastia operations, lipo in chest and abdomen, regular botox and Radiesse injections in the face. Whew! It's a lot of work and money to try to look decent as one ages." Judging from his youthful Facebook visage, the money has been worth it. Aside from wearing compression vests for "weeks" after lipo, which he described as a bit of a pain, he told me, "I would definitely recommend these procedures to anyone who feels they need them."

I've had lots done!

Still another friend told me of having a nosejob to balance out his hair loss. It turned into two nosejobs when the first left his schnozz a bit too reminiscent of a shark's fin. He's happy with it now, but warned that his female friend's new nose had left her looking like a dog. Hyperbole? No. "I mean, like a dog who should be eating Alpo out of a bowl," he clarified, suggesting her nose had taken on a canine appearance. She, too, had had it fixed, and was now happy. Both he and his friend felt they needed the work done, and both had eventually wound up with the result they expected.

So, judging from statistics and my unscientific poll, the number of people who feel they need plastic surgery seems to be skyrocketing...the most interesting word in that sentence being "need."

She's 92, and yes, she is the type of lady to say, "Ninety-two years YOUNG."

BOY CULTURE RATING: ***1/2 out of ****

I have developed a reputation as a fan of the old. I'm obsessed with how we age, and how we handle aging. I also find it incredibly uplifting when people who are over the hill have found that it's not so bad over there...and that there may even be more hills to climb.

Madonna changed a girl's life, has awesome purim outfit that would be a cool look.

Fake Crimean secession vote goes 93% for joining Russia.

The Shining twins...as they appear now!

Tahj Mowry naked selfie?

Top 10 public penises of D.C.

Christina Aguilera's f*ck list is more diverse than Lindsay's!

She eats lesser divas for breakfast, but what does Michelle Visage eat for lunch?

Boston's mayor is boycotting St. Patty's Anti-Gay Parade. Guinness spanked.

Have you visited my DIRTY Tumblr?

Ugly, Ugly Emptiness strikes again:

Never!

Great moments in passive-aggression.

You've seen the 1st kiss & 1st HJ, now the 1st #2.

Awesome Drag Race art prints.

Billy Graham's successor loves Putin. Remember this.

Is this even "Better Than Dancing"?

Lady Gaga makes Demi Lovato NOT want to puke.

Sixty years ago, a peek at lust in the dust:

Sand how!

Jerry Zeft, a former IRS worker

Fascinating, informative New York Times story about a retirement facility for LGBT people. We get old, too!

Taking a dive

Chris Mears shucks most of his clothes for Winq.

Taylor Kitsch is openly gay. It's on the Internet, so it must be true.

"When I'm single, I don't bareback on purpose usually." Best Truvada read ever.

Good news on Truvada.

Hillary (correctly) compares Putin to Hilter.

MANNEQUIN, TOO: This bitch is crazy. And I love her for it.

Blake Skjellerup sweetly fanboys out on Jason Collins.

Nick chick blasts Disney tune to get through racy-pix scandal.

Liza bounced back nicely from Ellen's misfired joke.

Bieber's such a dick, how will they know what to black out?

If watching Glee makes you want to kill someone, this is the movie for you.

If you noticed Kim Novak looked different, you're a bad person.

Brett Favre looks really different now. (Is it okay to say that?)

Pope Francis thinks the Catholic Church has done lots against pedophilia.

SORRY/NOT SORRY: Trohn Javolta understands that he murdered...that girl's...name.

Kirk Cousins thinks Michael Sam needs Jesus, thinks Mary Magdalene was a hooker.

One of these men needs Jesus in him, the other just needs Jésus.

Daddy, oh

Daddies, a new film about—guess what?—by Antonio da Silva.

SWV, '90s girl group, gets sassy backstage at "bethenny."

Is it time to boycott Coke again?

Laverne Cox's powerful speech at Creating Change.

American Apparel's 62-year-old underwear model.

George Michael's new tune "Let Her Down Easy."

Ryan Kwanten's phat butt.

A plea for sanity in the Woody Allen case.

53-year-old Kristin Scott Thomas is retiring from film work.

Jared Padalecki—an actor by trade—doesn't understand the definition of "tragedy."

Johnny Weir is the perfect coverboy for "Hate on Ice."

Of skaters & haters

Madonna is older than both Gloria Swanson and Bette Davis were in their most-referenced roles.

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Probably fewer gay men than ever are into Madonna. I don't think it's that Madonna's gay fanbase is decimated, but it's more de rigeur to hate on her from within that community than at any other time in her career. We're not talking about people who don't care for Madonna's music, we're talking about the men who take every opportunity to eviscerate the woman, often in order to get a laugh.