Jaymes Vaughan, the openly gay Chippendales dancer who came close to winning Amazing Race a couple of years ago, is a single man—but while that will be good news to some, reading the announcement from his ex, Bryan Chan, should help stifle any jumps for joy.
Chan, who was once a member of the boy band LMNT and who worked at Chippendales in the past, says Facebook—or rather what it represents—was a relationship-killer:
“I do this funny thing with Facebook. I take pictures and write stories, add captions, promote my causes and basically say whatever the hell I want. Because, well...it’s my account…and nobody else’s. But here’s the thing. I never put up a 'this is my boyfriend” post. I never changed my relationship status. I have often looked, yet never considered, the 'I am interested in:' category. I equated that gush to the endless feed of #selfies or poorly shot pictures of plated lunches. It was of no interest to me to post about that part of my life. He was mine. I loved every part of what we were together. My family, my close friends, my community…already knew. Exposing my personal relationship to the abyss of unknown views on Facebook, where it was subject to likes, comments or opinions of people I have never met, wasn’t on my 'things to do today' list.
“And therein lie the problem.
“My boyfriend wanted that acknowledgement. He needed that validation. It wasn’t enough that our friends and family knew. He wanted to be able to scream it from the rooftops to anyone who would listen. And I never afforded him that chance. That attention was his air. Without it he was suffocating. So he spent our whole relationship thinking that I wasn’t proud of him. That I didn’t care enough to let the world know we were together. Or that I was ashamed to be with him. It couldn’t have been further from the truth. Although to him, my newsfeed spoke otherwise.
“In the end, it’s not fair to say that our relationship ended because of Facebook…but maybe what Facebook represented. If you’re going to put your life out into the world for people to admire, respect, judge, emulate, or support…then put it out there. All of it. Take the risk. Allow your whole self to shine, not just the parts you like the best, or the parts you think will get the least judgment. When you don’t acknowledge certain parts of your life, you run the risk of allowing people to believe they don’t exist. Then you have others filling in those parts of your story, when you should be the only one writing it.”
Read the rest of it here. Much love to these two—know them both and they're both great guys.
Chan (L) from his boy band days. (Yes, Matthew Morrison was in LMNT.)