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Jun 25 2016
Armenia Girls: A Review Of KATDASHIANS: BREAK THE MUSICAL Comments (0)

IMG_7267*Three sisters: Kim Kat (Carmen Mendoza), Kourtney Kat (Bridget Kennedy), Khloé Kat (Elliott Brooks)

Okay, like, I got invited to this super exclusive new Off-Broadway show called Katdashians: Break the Musical, and it was seriously the funniest thing everrr or, like, at least, it was a funny thing, you know? Bible.

Katdashians: Break the Musical is the very funny creation of Bob and Tobly McSmith, the warped minds behind past romps like Bayside! The Musical!, Full House: The Musical! and Showgirls!: The Musical. With the McSmiths' perverse combo of legitimately complex songs and gross-out humor, tight direction by tight John Duff (who we would all like to see attempt to break the Internet with his own fame-ready caboose), and Broadway-level choreography by Viva Soudan, the show has more to offer than just cheap laughs at the world's most famous Armenian-Americans.

IMG_7219*There goes Times Square (again). (All images in this post by Matthew Rettenmund)

Though there are plenty of cheap laughs, too.

The show follows—wallows in?—the regrettable ascension of the Kardashians, ending somewhere just beyond Caitlyn Jenner's transition. The songs are, as the title suggests, frequently parodies of famous numbers from Cats (which is returning to Broadway in the near future—that legendary musical is as bad as Keeping Up with the Kardashians and apparently just as hard to euthanize permanently), but there are also clever re-workings of tunes by Beyoncé, Madonna and other suitably fabulous fame whores.

And yes, it was “better than Cats.”

IMG_7269*A Chorus Feline

Speaking of which, if there is anything limiting about doing a parody of the most famous, most polarizing people alive, it may be that the show works best if you know everything about the Kardashians and also have the Cats original cast recording memorized. Thing is, very few people probably check both boxes. Luckily, the show does work if you're only into one or the other, and even seems to work if you're a novice regarding both. I surveyed some patrons and was surprised how few were well-versed in Kardashian lore, though a girl behind me who claimed she knew nothing knew all the terms in the “How to Speak Kardashian” insert from our program. The guy next to me, who knew zero about the Kardashians, laughed loudly throughout. I mean, jokes about pubic hair and anal sex are pretty universal.

IMG_7257*Finding North: Vogue cover subject Kim vogues.

The cast/cats are purrfect, led by Carmen Mendoza as busty, bratty, dusky-Baby Doll Kim Kat. She has her look down pat and has the star quality necessary to function as the epicenter of an attention-logged sect.

Bridget Kennedy as Kourtney Kat is a riot, offering a deadpan, personality-free take that reminded me of the fun femme performances in the late, great American Psycho. She channels a Selma Blair monotone and has the requisite bombshell looks, the exact recipe for Kourtney.

Standing out from an already stellar group is Elliott Brooks as Khloé Kat, whose character gets the Cher-in-Moonstruck treatment as we follow her from Khloé's birth status as a softer, potty-on-me-mouthed version of The Thing to the voluptuous blonde work-out fanatic that she is today. With manic, verbal-diarrhetic glee, she spits out shocking one-liners about anal sex, anal beds, “Shit on a dick!” and projectile vaginal discharge—singing hysterically at one point about the seemingly drug-resistant strain of pubic hair she hosts—and yet still makes the audience root for her. Definitely pick of the litter.

IMG_7287*When Mama Jenner introduces her new boyfriend, Corey Gamble.

Bailey Nolan is Kris Kat/Kris Jenner's doppelgänger thanks to the perfect wig and a great vocal imitation; it felt like Kris was appearing in the show herself, which is not something I would put past her. Her counterpart, Peter Smith as Bruce/Catlyn/Caitlyn, nailed the transgender trailblazer's guyish speech and was able to make us cheer for her transition all over again, even though in real life, Caitlyn turned out to be kind of a dud in the inspiration arena. Smith's take on a parody of “Memory” was a show-stopper.

IMG_7284*They call me Bruce: Smith's Catlyn was the cat's meow.

Knee-slapping, mutinous scenes featuring choreographer Soudan as Kylie Kat and Ariel Ash as Kendall Kat (in a mask and peek-a-boo unitard, she was the spitting image) had some audience members howling. Alexis Kelley and Jenyvette Vega serve as ass-tastic Dash Dolls.

IMG_7295*Let's hope the litter-box office is strong!

Best thing about the show, though, might be the innovation of encouraging (non-flash) photography, and especially selfie-taking, throughout. So if your mind wanders, take a great selfie and let your followers on social media know that you're doing looking good.

In the end, this sometimes almost admiring, more often catty, hoot has its claws out mostly for you, the audience that pretends to revile a family famous only for being famous ... all the while watching their every move like a cat watches a bowl-bound goldfish.

Katdashians: Break the Musical is at the Elektra Theatre at 300 W. 43rd St., NYC, through July 16. Tickets are $25-$45. Visit the site here.

Keep reading for video and pictures from the opening-night champagne toast ...

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Thank Ya, Yeezus: Kanye's Latest Music Video Is Actually Good Stuff Comments (0)

Screen Shot 2016-06-25 at 12.54.28 PM(Image via Tidal)

Ever wanted to see Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Taylor Swift, George W. Bush, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, Ray J, Amber Rose, Chris Brown, Rihanna, Anna Wintour and Caitlyn Jenner nude in bed together?

Thanks to Kanye, you can see just that, in his cheeky “Famous” music video, which uses trickery and, presumably, stand-ins to create the illusion that all of those famous/infamous figures are sharing a spent morning after together.

Check it out on Tidal.

 
May 03 2016
6-PACK — Lesbians Are Prom Royalty + Tupac Shakur's Mom Dies + Little Richard Gravely Ill + Madonna Owns, Kimye Fail, Manus x Machina Exhibit + After The TOUGH LOVE Is Gone! Comments (0)

Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 8.11.45 AMTheir peers think these lesbians hung the moon. (Image courtesy of Tammy Poucher)

6a00d8341c2ca253ef01bb08e9cf88970d-800wiFlorida high school students crown lesbian couple king & queen of the prom: “The pair hopes it helps others by raising awareness about LGBTQ issues.”

6a00d8341c2ca253ef01bb08e9cf88970d-800wiActivist and mother of late hip-hop legend Tupac Shakur, Afeni Shakur Davis, dies of a heart attack in the middle of bitter divorce.

6a00d8341c2ca253ef01bb08e9cf88970d-800wiLittle Richard, 83, is reportedly gravely ill. The flamboyant “Tutti Frutti” singer has had a stroke, a heart attack and hip surgery in recent years.

6a00d8341c2ca253ef01bb08e9cf88970d-800wiI sincerely hope your favorite '80s icon is (1) alive, (2) looking & feeling good, (3) still in possession of the moves, baby: 

 

The one and only @madonna in @givenchyofficial inside the #ManusxMachina Experience. Directed by @gvsgvs. #MetGala

A video posted by Vogue (@voguemagazine) on

6a00d8341c2ca253ef01bb08e9cf88970d-800wiKim & Kanye are half Madonna's age and approach the same Manus x Machina Experience challenge like great-grandparents.

6a00d8341c2ca253ef01bb08e9cf88970d-800wiFinal episode of Tough Love: “We take a break from all the silliness and deal with some painful topics, like rejection and friends growing apart”:

 
Mar 09 2016
6-PACK — Bernie Sanders Declares A PEOPLE'S REVOLUTION + You Liked Nancy Reagan? What Are You Smoking? + Wachowski Comes Out + BAD GIRL Digs + Missouri Dems Talk The Talk + Kim K's Butt ... Because Feminism! Comments (0)

*widget boy cultureSanders holds very impromptu presser just before big MI win.

*widget boy cultureLosing patience with liberals waxing nostalgic over Nancy Reagan: She sucked.

*widget boy cultureBoth of the Wachowski Brothers are sisters—welcome out, Lilly!

Giphy(“Bad Girl” GIF via Warner Bros.)

*widget boy cultureMadonna's “Bad Girl” music video apartment location re-discovered in NYC!

*widget boy cultureMissouri Dems filibuster anti-gay bill for 24+hours. (Southern Dems count, y'all.)

*widget boy cultureThe state of feminism in 2016: Stars brawl over Kim Kardashian's T&A

 
Mar 08 2016
Kim Kardashian Is Ever So Offended When People Don't Fawn Over Her Nude Selfies Comments (0)

Over the weekend, Kim Kardashian released another nude selfie. Okay, yawn.

Bette Midler replied with a very funny joke:

 Harmless, seemingly, but Kim felt it was an attack, so replied with: 

Midler rightfully replied:

Kardashian's response to Chloë Grace Moretz was a lot more disgusting. A lot. Moretz tweeted:

To that, in in response to other criticisms (including some from the vile Piers Morgan), Kardashian nakedly revealed what she values in this world:

That kind of hubris is nothing a guillotine can't fix.

 
Jan 06 2016
Need To Know: Taking Off + For Cryin' Out Loud + Schumer Schwing! + Wall Street's Ears Are Berning + Cosby Gets Off Easy + MORE! Comments (0)

Screen Shot 2016-01-05 at 8.19.09 PMIn the event of a water landing ...

*widget boy cultureShirtless rugby players give airplane-safety tips. Images

*widget boy cultureRight-wingers are so desperate they're now accusing Obama of fake tears.

*widget boy cultureGun-control harpy Amy Schumer's BF is fucking hot, and that's no joke.

*widget boy cultureCop who shot and killed gay man has killed people in three years.

*widget boy cultureBernie coming for Wall Street.

*widget boy cultureThis time, NARAL backs Hillary.

*widget boy cultureMan's 70-year journey out of the closet ... just in time for nastiest gay app.

*widget boy cultureCamille Cosby may not have to testify.

*widget boy cultureWomen wholesale molested in Germany on New Year's Eve.

*widget boy cultureMolesta Tyga says FaceTiming that kid was to hear her voice.

*widget boy cultureTyga first met Kylie Jenner when she was 14, Kanye jokes he “got in early.”

*widget boy cultureIdiots in Flint, Michigan, helped poison the drinking water to save $$$.

*widget boy cultureMost-watched crime videos on Facebook.

*widget boy cultureBachelor Ben Higgins is too cute, says stuff.

*widget boy cultureFootball-player ass.

*widget boy cultureNice legs, bitch. Images

Strikeout_fy5Us vs. stems

 
Jan 05 2016
Caitlyn: I'M JUST TRYING TO DO MY BEST Comments (0)

Adv1083_cover_x750d

I may change my mind when she endorses Donald Trump (I can't get over her Republicanism), but I do think LGBT people are unnecessarily harsh toward Caitlyn Jenner. She's made some blunders, but she has shown a willingness to listen to and absorb criticism—thick, she ain't. And her show is filled with useful teachable moments, whereas it could easily have been pure fluff.

Matthew Breen's sit-down with her for The Advocate cover bears out my take on her:

The media has kind of labeled me as the spokesperson for the trans community. That is not the case. I am only a spokesperson for my own journey. After that, I know nothing. Am I learning a lot? Absolutely ... I’m just trying to do my best, that’s all.

She says about her appearance (for which she's taken heat, especially when joking about how looking the part is the hardest part of being trans):

Kimberly [Kardashian West] says, ‘If you do go out, you’ve got to rock it, baby!’ You cannot let [the paparazzi] get that picture. They’ll take a picture of you with no makeup on, lousy outfit—and they’ll use it forever. You’ll never get rid of it. Kim’s very good at that stuff. It does take a little bit more work if you do go out. You’ve got to at least look good, at least the best you can ... But there’s more to life and womanhood than just that. And those are things I’m learning; I’m trying to read up on it. I’m trying to understand it because it’s all new to me.

Read the rest of Breen's thoughtful story, illustrated with images by Ryan Pfluger, here.

 
Jan 04 2016
Need To Know: WICKEDly Romantic + The Road To Sedition + Saudis Lose Their Heads + Zack Attack + They Sure Is Ugly + Who Cares If Bill Feels The Bern During Urination? + MORE! Comments (0)

*widget boy cultureBroadway hotties Daniel Robinson & Josh Daniel Green get engaged on Wicked stage.

*widget boy cultureHORROR: ISIL tosses boy from roof for being gay—because he was raped.

*widget boy cultureArmed militia takes over part of federal refuge in Oregon. (But it's okay; they're white.)

*widget boy cultureTROUBLE: Saudi Arabia cuts ties with Iran. SA had executed Shiite cleric.

*widget boy cultureHillary Clinton says SA wasn't smart to go through with executions.

*widget boy cultureSan Diego cops shoot, kill gay man in domestic dispute.

*widget boy cultureZack Hardt would've been great on my list.

*widget boy culturePrEP and HIV-drug resistance studied.

*widget boy cultureChris Brown & latest accuser get into ugly battle.

*widget boy cultureComic: Cosby accusations = anti-black conspiracy.

*widget boy cultureDisney prince-tastic Logan Paul.

*widget boy cultureSanders objects to Trump bringing up Bill's sex life.

*widget boy cultureRare color pics of the making-of Some Like It Hot.

*widget boy cultureCéline Dion sings the FUCK out of Adele's “Hello.”

*widget boy cultureKylie Minogue camps it up with “Off with His Shirt.”

Kylieshirt-660x330Off with Joshua Sasse's shirt!

*widget boy cultureAmber Rose appreciates men who treat women well. (???)

*widget boy cultureFirst pic (sorta) of Saint West.

*widget boy cultureSexxxy UPS guy. Sexxxy, hairy legs. Sexxxy, spread legs.

*widget boy cultureTop 5 celeb peen moments of '15. (Work Unfriendly)

18544126150_c766532e72_z_web_webLeBulge

 


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