7 posts categorized "MARK WAHLBERG"

Dec 08 2014
Pardon Me For Living Well Comments (0)


I think Mark Wahlberg has brass balls to request that he get a pardon for crimes he committed in the late '80s in Boston, incidents that would be classified as hate crimes today. For one thing, he was lightly punished at the time—why expunge the only thing remaining, his record? For another, do you seriously think average citizens are routinely allowed to receive pardons for serious crimes they committed as teenagers? His argument seems to be: I'm a rich, famous, successful person now, so I deserve this. I say he doesn't. You?

Nov 17 2014
John Hancock-Tease: Marky Mark Comments (0)


I first heard Marky Marky and the Funky Bunch in Chicago's famed Gramaphone record store, one of whose employees had inexplicably once scissored me like we were lesbians, which was a sexual maneuver for men that never seemed to be effective for anything except transmitting rectal warts, perhaps.

I loved the song. It was stupid-good, and good-stupid.

The singer was my type, was everyone's type. So I bought a bunch of pictures of him whenever I could.

When I moved to NYC, he was releasing a book that he had dedicated to his penis (which was a coincidence, as I was dedicated to his penis as well), so I showed up to a booksigning he was having in Greenwich Village. Surprise! It was all gay men.

The rule was we could only have our books signed, but I brought a stack of sexy magazine tearsheets. When I got up to him, I spread them out quickly as his guards jumped to remove them. He waved them off and signed them without even looking, including this image of his ass being bared by his brother. The picture had everything: Muscles! Ass! Incest-adjacent inappropriateness!

And now it had Marky Mark's funky signature.

I wish he wasn't such a douchebag, because he really does have a nice ass.

Oct 02 2014
Bold-Faced Names Comments (0)

Jonas-BrothersI thought of myself as the fourth Jonas. They thought of me as the guy who thought of himself as the fourth Jonas.

When it rains, it pours: I just got a second mention in the Liz Smith column within the space of a week. This time, both my Kickstarter and my upcoming memoir Starf*cker (spring 2015) get some love.

Speaking of the Jonas Brothers, Nick continues his campaign to steal me away with Joe, posing as “Marky” Mark Wahlberg in Flaunt and flashing his, you should pardon the expression, crack:


More of Nick's Flaunt here.

Here's Nick vs. the man he's recalling:



Apr 12 2013
Morning Wood: Working Out With Mark Wahlberg Comments (2)

Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson cover Muscle & Fitness (May 2013) to plug their flick Pain & Gain.

Wahlberg's workouts for the film sound brutal:

"I was training five days a week. I'd start with benching, and then I'd do my squats and my lunges, then I'd do a lot of old-school stuff. I'd literally do a row of machines at the Sports Club/LA. One set of every single machine all the way down the row. I'd leave the hotel at 4:30 in the morning—just as the nightclubs were letting out on South Beach. I'd walk in the gym as the door opened at 5:00 a.m. every day."

When did he find any time to juice?

He strikes me as not a pleasant guy (racism and robbery in his past), but he sure has the sexy part down. I've told this story before, but when he was a teenager and signing his infamous book that he dedicated to his dick, he graciously signed a tear sheet I had from Smash Hits (UK) in which his brother Donnie was pulling Mark's underwear down to reveal his bare ass.

So he can't be all bad.

Dec 21 2012
Your Nightly Briefing Comments (0)

Hot-briefs"No autographs—please!"

This is the fifth in a series of articles from The Underwear Expert

As 2012 comes to a close, it's time to look back fondly at a year jam-packed with celebrities showing their underwear in public. The Underwear Expert keeps track of all the celebrity underwear sightings you could possibly care about so that you can keep tabs on who is wearing what, who is looking decent and who needs some serious undies advice.

With dozens of underwear sightings this year, it was tough to narrow them down, but we've come up with a list of the Top 5 celebrity underwear sightings of 2012. These were the most controversial, interesting, hilarious or popular sightings of the year. Check out our Top 5 sightings below and let us know which were your favorites...

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Jan 18 2012
Crashing Boor Comments (6)
Screen shot 2012-01-18 at 3.07.06 PM

UPDATE: Wahlberg has apologized, calling his words "irresponsible." 

People like to talk about celebrities' big egos, but this goes way beyond believing one's own publicity! Mark Wahlberg, who apparently narrowly missed being on one of the 9/11 planes, now says if he'd been on it, things would have been different:

"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we're going to land somewhere safely, don't worry.'"

Wow. So apparently the people on those planes just didn't love their children as much as he loves his, and/or were stupes for not realizing the terrorists were intending to fly those planes into buildings. Beyond idiotic.

Dec 22 2010
Bad Vibrations Comments (14)

PreviewScreenSnapz001A funky bunch of pictures

Tabloid Heat has a great "Brief History of Mark Wahlberg's Best Naked and Shirtless Moments." I'm a big fan of his body even if I think he's marginally talented and seems to be quite an unpleasant person (those pesky racist bashing incidents from his teen years, his initial lack of graciousness over SNL's funny parody).

But I actually met Wahlberg when he was Marky Mark.

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