In the same vein as those articles that used to say young Whitney Houston was too busy with her pet cat for boys, or the ones that said young Lance Bass was too busy working for a girlfriend or the ones that said Rock Hudson was, well, married, check out this rather hilarious excerpt from a National Enquirer (March 18, 2013) about Sean Lowe. This Bachelor stud apparently counts Hank Azaria among his fanbase:

"Sean's number one celebrity fan is Hank Azaria, star of the big-screen hit Birdcage, the '90s sitcom Mad About You and TV's The Simpsons, Azaria watches The Bachelor with his girlfriend."

I think I once noted the resemblance between Sarah Jessica Parker and Ruth Buzzi (I totally see it), but I have to have sympathy for the girl when people take potshots at her constantly. Just this past week, in the March 4, 2013, editions of National Enquirer (above) and In Touch (below), she was compared to "Granny" from The Beverly Hillbillies and "Sulley" from Monsters, Inc.

According to National Enquirer (March 4, 2013), disgraced televangelist Robert Schuller is now complete charity case, requiring a collection to be taken in order to help pay for fixing his heater and dishwasher. Meanwhile, the man lived high off the hog ("the hog" being parishioners' foolishly given donations) while running the Crystal Cathedral before it was shattered by bankruptcy. Anyone donating any money to this man now is just a damn fool, but it's nice to know he's destitute.

Happy Sunday!

Via National Enquirer (February 25, 2013): I thought that Shahs of Sunset was a show devoid of any interest, but Mike Shouhed has his good points.

Jim Gomer Pyle Nabors got married last week to his partner of nearly 40 years. Now, National Enquirer (February 18, 2013) publishes this photo of Stan Cadwallader (the partner), the judge who conducted the ceremony, Nabors and his friends/witnesses.

Hope they (continue to) have long, happy lives together.

National Enquirer (February 18, 2013) claims O.J. Simpson is buddying up with the gays behind bars, including receiving "flirty massages from convicts."

Do cons really flirt? It's usually way beyond such bashful pursuits by that point, no?

The story's tipster says O.J. has a crush on Ravens receiver Anquan Boldin and goes on to say:

"He's like a God to the other inmates. He prances around flexing his muscles, wearing only a pair of gym shorts."

Considering she's dirt poor and losing her teeth, Eight is Enough star Susan Richardson looks kinda good in this photo from National Enquirer (February 11, 2013). However, it's the most pathetic photo caption ever. The poor woman's livelihood, as it were, is derived from making walking sticks for (undoubtedly also financially strapped) veterans! The article features a sympathetic comment from Dick Van Patten, who seems sad to hear of her trailer-park existence...but not sad enough to offer her money.

This seems to be the week for outing in the tabloids. National Enquirer (February 4, 2013) says that Bradley Cooper can't seem to shake the gay rumors that have hounded him for years. Nikki Finke said of him and of Ryan Seacrest that they need to "redo their closets."

According to National Enquirer (January 28, 2013), John Travolta at one point wanted to flout Scientology and marry his lover in the '80s. Before scoffing, know this: This story in NE was picked up from a legit book on the topic of the cult.

I thought the source demanded the tasteless (or tasty, your call) headline

Erin Moran is probably wondering what she did in a past life to deserve the renewed, unflattering spate of tabloid press she's been receiving. Now, she's being hounded by National Enquirer (January 28, 2013) for allegedly dumping her husband for another woman. (The tabloids aren't so protective of the sexualities of stars who are Z-list, at best.)

All that "he's quite a hunk!" stuff was just a cover story.