As hard as it is for me to believe, my dogs, Hyphen and Sash, turn five years old today. It seems like yesterday when we picked them up in Connecticut (I know...any more pets, I plan to adopt from a shelter) and struggled to teach them what we expected of their behavior, then celebrated their six-month birthdays (lower right), then took them to Central Park for a first big nature outing. Anyone considering dogs should consider the Shih Tzu: They're not easy, but if you're going to spend thousands of dollars over time and thousands of hours (within the first month), you want a dog with personality. And these two have that in spades.

Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it. And happy birthday to me if you don't!

My dogs have done well ignoring the gifts under the tree...until today. Today, as soon as José put down a gift with Sash's name on it, she zeroed in and has been bird-dogging it ever since. It's not because her name is on it, it's more likely because inside is a hard plastic chew toy of the variety she adores, so she probably smells the material. The video is pretty funny...

Disabled? Rebublicans couldn't care less.

Republicans thumb noses at wheelchair-bound Bob Dole.

Scorching-hot cub calendar for charity.

Hillary Clinton is totally running in '16. C'mon.

Is Kate Middleton a gay icon? C'mon.

Anderson Cooper went blind for 36 hours.

Mike Diamond sweats Ben Cohen's jock.

Handicapping Supreme Court Justice deaths.

Trade association NRECA selects homophobic head.

Even more Jayson Blair.

Dutch treat blackface as jolly Christmas tradition.

Newest Vanity Fair cover looks funny "ha-ha." 

Paris Hilton's a DJ...wait, what did she used to be?

Boybands ready to scratch each other's eyes out.

Madonna's touring must-haves.

Top sugar daddy misconceptions. (Wait, aren't any of 'em bottoms?)

I wouldn't say no. I'm unemployed!

My dogs know it's that time again, the time when they're dropped off all by themselves for The Grooming.

"You stink!"

My dog Sash is a chewer, and both dogs like toys. But rawhides = a great way to pay $6 to see a small Shih Tzu with a large lump in her body like a snake that swallowed a goat. Then I found out they made these chicken-and-veggie "rawhides" that taste like peanut butter and are "99% digestible."

Ten minutes later, that's Sash's on the left. I've never witnessed it, but I think she can unlock her jaws.

One of these is an asshole, one of these answers to "Papi" and one of these pissed the floor

There's nothing quite like having your four-year-old dog squat and take a steaming piss on the hall carpet in front of the elevator to make you feel like a failure as a parent.

My dog Sash either needs a haircut OR needs to learn how to sing.