Marilyn Monroe (Image by Alejandro Mogollo)

Today would've been Marilyn Monroe's 90th birthday. Here are my guesses are 90 things we would've seen her do had we been lucky enough to have her this long:

(1) Gives tearful press conference about surviving overdose: “I guess I'm a bad role model, but I promise I'm trying to be a good person.”

(2) Completes Something's Got to Give, garnering raves for her comic timing and eye-popping skinny-dipping appearance

(3) Bombs in What a Way to Go! the following year

(4) Pays the rent with an internationally produced horror flick opposite Ray Milland, Clu Gulager and Michele Lee

(5) Takes an apartment in New York, living as bicoastally as her income allows

(6) Sits for Andy Warhol

(7) Attempts suicide over RFK's assassination

(8) Receives extensive therapy that leads to enough insight to help her bounce back from serious mental issues

(9) Sues Bert Stern for releasing images from an old shoot she never liked

(10) Poses for Blackglama then demands the image not be used: “They made me look old. I work too hard to look young to look old.”

(11) Garners an Oscar nomination for playing a drug-addicted prostitute

(12) Tours Vietnam with Bob Hope

(13) Publicly criticizes Jane Fonda

(14) Marries and divorces a gay fan/producer

(15) Gets arrested for having pot in her purse while traveling in Europe; beats the rap

(16) Says Linda Lovelace seems to be “the only woman in pictures who got more screwed than I did.”

(17) Makes a slightly jittery, shy appearance at Town Hall in NYC, where she implies she aborted RFK's baby

(18) Gives a New York Times interview about her various addictions

(19) Takes up painting

(20) Survives a vicious mugging

(21) Brings attention to the play The Boys in the Band by attending multiple performances

(22) Makea her Broadway debut in the '70s to wildly mixed reviews

(23) Gains an unwanted reputation as an anti-feminist after sparring with Gloria Steinem at an art opening

(24) Begins series of lawsuits over hijacking of her image by various international businesses

(25) Wins an Emmy for playing a murderess with multiple male and female personalities on Columbo

(26) Makes a hit-and-miss appearance on The Carol Burnett Show

(27) Gives the greatest interview in the history of The Merv Griffin Show

(28) Directs a modest feature film, garnering mixed reviews

(29) Gets (more) plastic surgery

(30) Becomes the first woman of 50 to pose nude for Playboy

(31) Hangs out at Studio 54 with Liza Minnelli, Halston, Matt Dillon and Truman Capote, high as a kite

(32) Appears in the feature film The Swarm

(33) Convincingly denies that old photos show her in a porn movie

(34) Grants a free-wheeling interview to a French newspaper in which she cops to numerous “no-big-deal” lesbian affairs

(35) Has a high-profile fling with a young Harrison Ford

(36) Appears in a regrettable TV movie about adult adoption with George Kennedy and Stephanie Zimbalist

(37) Enters the Betty Ford Center

(38) Gets fat

(39) Spends an inordinate amount of time ducking Ron Galella

(40) Slims down and gets caught by paparazzi in a totally sheer blouse

(41) Takes the Love Boat to Fantasy Island

(42) Appears in a two-episode Hart to Hart arc

(43) Films a TV pilot called Oh, Marilyn! that never gets picked up

(44) Makes a winning appearance on The Golden Girls as Dorothy's friend, a lesbian who falls for Rose

(45) Checks in to Hotel and replaces Anne Baxter upon Baxter's death, earning an Emmy nomination

(46) Goes brunette

(47) Speaks out about her battle with depression

(48) Goes blonde again

(49) Launches a successful fragrance called Marilyn Monroe: Delicious

(50) Publishes a tell-all memoir forever tarnishing the world's opinion of the Kennedys, the good old days, the studio system, Arthur Miller, making extensive use of her diaries

(51) Becomes the first old-school celebrity to speak frankly about the AIDS crisis, and to stick up for gays

(52) Competes with Elizabeth Taylor over the previous title

(53) Makes painfully awkward appearance on David Letterman: “You know, I never even did Johnny Carson. Maybe I should have.” “Oh, he was the one?” “I meant his TV show. If we were talking about the other, you wouldn't have even been on the list.”

(54) Releases a line of exercise videos and return to tip-top shape at 60

(55) Gets (even more) plastic surgery, is criticized for not aging gracefully

(56) Becomes a PETA supporter

(57) Speaks out about being the victim of financial fraud

(58) Auctions her Hollywood memorabilia: “Who wants to live in the past? The future is so much more ... modern.”

(59) Gives Madonna a backhanded compliment: “She does me better than I do me ... or at least more often.”

(60) Expresses sadness at the death of Jackie O

(61) Earns a fortune on QVC selling skincare products

(62) Makes an out-of-nowhere cameo on Saturday Night Live to promote a supporting role in an art film that is bringing her Oscar buzz

(63) Fails to get Oscar nomination for playing woman with dementia, an award she'd been widely thought to have in the bag: “Well, what are you going to do? Frances McDormand is pretty good, too.”

(64) Becomes friendly with Stephen Hawking after writing him a fan letter

(65) Resumes her recording career and tours the world with a subdued, gossipy cabaret act

(66) Kicks cancer

(67) Grants a wide-ranging interview in which she accuses several prominent actors of sexually assaulting her in the '50s and '60s

(68) Offers a heart-tugging, slightly loopy eulogy at Shelley Winters's funeral

(69) Sues a tabloid for libel over rumors she had resumed drinking and drugging

(70) Hands Lauren Bacall her honorary Oscar

(71) Marries and divorces a Latin man half her age: “My taste in men seems to be: More, please.”

(72) Attends a White House state dinner, where she is photographed laughing gaily with Barack and Michelle Obama; takes criticism for a weird Sammy Davis Jr. comment

(73) Joins Facebook, Twitter and Instagram; never uses any of them except Twitter

(74) Enlists a gay starfucker to take care of her fan mail

(75) Makes a rare TV guest appearance on Hot in Cleveland

(76) Publishes follow-up to memoir, this time with more nostalgia and humor

(77) Charms Ellen DeGeneres in hour-long appearance, first ever on daytime talk show

(78) Makes lucrative appearances at an autograph shows, one on the East Coast and one on the West

(79) Gets into a Twitter war with Piers Morgan over doing autograph shows

(80) Receives an honorary Oscar of her own

(81) Gets serenaded at the Kennedy Center Honors by Ariana Grande: “For such a little girl, she sure can sing big.”

(82) Publishes a ghost-written book about good sex after 70 (while she is past 80)

(83) Moves out of Hollywood and New York to a ranch in Idaho

(84) Defends Kim Novak over plastic-surgery mocking

(85) Grants a Vanity Fair interview in which she graphically describes trading sex to get ahead, further exposing the way Hollywood ran—and still runs: “And I had talent, so you can imagine what some of those untalented people who went so far did to get where they got.”

(86) Is brought up onstage to be an unapologetic bitch on Madonna's Rebel Heart Tour, banters with her pop-cultural progeny: “You remind me of a slightly younger version of myself.”

(87) Finally wins an Emmy for a devastating Getting On arc as a 90-year-old who believes she is 9 years old; goes gray for first and only time.

(88) Endorses Hillary Clinton in viral video: “Secretary, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, he was a friend of mine. Secretary, you're a Jack Kennedy.“

(89) Releases a line of innocently sexy emojis

(90) Dies unexpectedly and with nearly as much fanfare as she'd have generated had she died at 36