DLISTED: Meet the Sex Elf. I want him in my stocking.

Above, enjoy the Sex Elf.

Below, keep reading for a teen-mag time warp, Megyn Kelly's latest right-wing trick, what passes for sexual harassment now, Caitlyn's Santa Ana disaster, John Waters's Top 10 movies of 2017 and a stache for all seasons ...

Remember Billy Zabka? (Image by Roger Elwood, entire page via Teen Set)

GR8ERDAYS: 11 surprising things inside a campy 1985 teen mag, including an out-of-nowhere brutal take-down of poor, 16-year-old Jason Bateman!

TOWLEROAD: Right-wing harpy Megyn Kelly gave free air time — and softball questions, and anti-gay framing — to the baker at the center of the Masterpiece SCOTUS case.

Cade Hudson is accused of offering to blow a guy in exchange for meeting Amanda Seyfried, directors. (Image via Instagram @britneyspears)

L.A. TIMES: Maybe sexual abuse and harassement in Hollywood isn't as rampant as we'd feared, if this story of a young publicist offering a straight dude $1,000 to fellate him is passing for breaking news. The publicist later became a successful agent with ties to many top stars (Britney Spears, for one). This is pure opportunism. Not every come-on is an act of violence, and not every horny person is a creep/predator.

PAGE SIX: Caitlyn Jenner's home was ripped a new one by the Santa Ana winds.

OMG BLOG: John Waters's Top 10  movies of the year list includes some controversial figures. And Baby Driver.

KENNETH IN THE (212): Hottest Guy with a Stache in the World nominee.