ABOVE: I hope Parson Brown will do the job next time he's in town.

BELOW: Keep reading for Henry Cavill's parched muscles, Trump recalls an ambassador who was too pro-LGBTQ, foreskins stuffed with M&Ms and more ...

Water, water everywhere — but none to drink. (Image via Netflix)

TOWLEROAD: Henry Cavill discussing dehydrating himself to the point where he can smell water nearby is something to jack off to.

AOL: Former Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin, a Republican, pardoned an unusually high number of people on his way out the door — over 400. Among them, the relative of a political donor and also a convicted child rapist. (Bevin blew off criticism of the latter decision by noting that the little girl's hymen was intact!) Now, Bevin is being FBI-probed for the pardons on suspicions of favoritism and even of selling them. This is the modern GOP.

BBC: Don't ever let right-wing gays say for one second that Trump is LGBTQ-friendly — the Administration has now recalled Zambia ambassador Daniel Foote because he had the balls to say he is horrified that Zambia sentenced two men to 15 years in prison for having gay sex. (Plus, they've been incarcerated since 2017). At best, it's more capitulation to a lesser power, something that has become Trump's stock in trade.

But ... do they melt in your mouth? (Image via video still)

INSTINCT: It's the oldest story in the world: M&Ms and foreskin.

Zee male nudity (Image via video still)

OMG.BLOG! (WORK UNFRIENDLY): Laurent Bélanger au naturel.

HUFF POST: Former Hawaii Gov. Neil Abercrombie is saying Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-Hawaii) should resign, having proven herself incapable of juggling her work for Hawaii with her quest to become president (aka her quest to disrupt the Democratic primary and later mount a spoiler run on Putin's orders).

KENNETH IN THE (212): Quick, quick — his pits or his stache?

QUEERTY: Paul Acton Bowen, anti-LGBTQ youth pastor from Alabama, gets 1,008 years in prison for raping six teen boys. He must also pay $840,000 in fines. I'm thinking the money will be hard to come by. Maybe pass a collection plate?

METRO: Loved Bombshell after thinking I would hate it or at least feel detached from a movie about abused Republicans, so I am wary of posting about the more rare occasions when women are the sexual aggessors — but it happens. Case in point, the woman who came on to a co-worker, said she could turn women gay and even tried to kiss her. Fired, right? Wrong.

EXTRATV: The most popular film on IMDb of 2019 is also an Oscar contender!

VIMEO: David Mixner has retired, and now we have a full video of his final stage show:

YOUTUBE: Michael Henry and his Dumpster queens get into (and out of) the holiday spirit: