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Sep 21 2021
3 Tips For Being In An Open Relationship ... Comments (0)

Male-models-boyculture(Image by Matthew Rettenmund)

Open partnerships are no longer the anomaly they once were. You probably know someone who is in a non-traditional, non-monogamous relationship. Perhaps you've tried it yourself. Traditional monogamy is our society's default choice. Still, many forget how intimidating an expectation it can be, particularly because we expect our spouse to provide all of our demands until death. If you haven't had experience with open relationships, they may seem overwhelming. However, just like in more conventional relationships, best practices or open relationship guidelines assist you in managing them effectively. Whether you wish to explore an open relationship or just educate yourself, here are some tips to help you.

Limit Sex

When you're having regular sex with someone, such as sex a few times a week, you'll easily connect on a more emotional level. You'll start to know more about one another. You might even fall in love. This is great if this is your primary relationship, but if it's a second, third, or fourth and you want your main one to stay intact throughout your open relationship, then it's best to limit sex with the other person to once a month or so. By doing so, you lessen the risk of developing a more meaningful relationship with them, which is when problems can occur.

We spoke with Susie, a sex worker from Köln in Germany, who is also in an open relationship with her partner:

My partner and I have been in an open relationship for three years now; the nature of my jobs means that it’s the only way we could make it work long term. Luckily this setup has been great for us, but it can also be hard work at times and my partner in particular has to actively manage his other relationships. For me it’s much easier though – sex is a huge part of my job, and being able to separate the physical from the emotional is second nature to me now. For my partner, not so much!

In other words, the more sex you have with the same person, the closer you are to having a relationship with them, whether you label it that or not. This is why it can be better to find someone in Köln to satisfy your sexual needs so that your partner isn't affected.

Limit Contact

Of course, sex isn't the only way you can get – and stay – close to someone. This is why, as well as limiting sex, it's a good idea to limit contact altogether, only getting together for a physical encounter once in a while, and never going out on what might be termed a date, or speaking on the phone, for example.

You need to be mindful of how you communicate with your lovers. If you're sexting, texting, calling, hanging out with each other every day or many times a week and weren't previously, you may be subconsciously transitioning into relationship mode. If you find yourself Facebook stalking your partner or becoming frustrated because you don't see or speak to them enough, know that they've inadvertently become something more than sex, and it could be time to step away to keep your relationship safe.

Talk About What Is And Isn't Working

Make it a point in even your casual hook-ups for everyone to be able to speak freely about what's going on for them. It results in better sex, more healthy relationships, and less drama. Working with a sex and relationship counselor for a professional, outside viewpoint may help you manage an open relationship more easily.

The most important person to speak to is your partner or spouse. Make sure they are happy with the situation, and if there is anything they need to discuss, they must feel comfortable and confident to do so. Equally, if you have any issues or feedback, you need to speak up.