Weird Scientology (GIF via GIPHY)

I love Jerrod Carmichael and was rooting for him as the unlikely host of the Golden Globes, but I fear my impression matches that of most viewers I've seen venting on social media — he died up there.

The out gay host kicked things off by chastising the Globes — which were returning after a year off due to having been exposed as a demonstrably racist organization — which was expected and welcome. However, his characteristically low-key, stilted delivery did not gel with expectations of an award-show host, leaving him seeming like he was floundering.

It didn't help that he told the audience to be quiet multiple times, lending to the impression he could not hold the room's attention.

Lowlights include dad jokes about Will Smith (Eddie Murphy's later joke about Smith was itself extremely dated) and Kanye West, but probably his biggest swing was pointing out that Tom Cruise's Globes (the actor returned them at the height of criticism over the Globes) could be traded for the safe return of Shelly Miscavige. Anti-Scientologists are aware this was a reference to the cult's leader's missing wife. Miscavige hasn't been seen since 2007. Too bad Carmichael bungled her name and sounded so unsure of his zinger.

Carmichael did, however, look snazzy. Great looks throughout.

As for the winners, the show was mostly filled with easy-to-predict winners ... until it wasn't. I was shocked House of the Dragon won for TV drama; that Argentina, 1985 bested RRR, All Quiet on the Western Front and Decision to Leave in the non-English language film category; and the biggest eye-opener of all, The Fabelmans taking drama motion picture. In a way, it makes sense that the Globes would avoid rewarding Cruise's Top Gun: Maverick, but what about Elvis? That montage with a good perf in the middle of it seemed tailor-made for GG-lory.

As for the speeches, you gotta love Jennifer Coolidge and Michelle Yeoh and Angela Bassett. Perfection.

Full list of winners — how many have you seen?:

Best Motion Picture — Drama
Avatar: The Way of Water
Elvis
The Fabelmans WINNER
Tár
Top Gun: Maverick

Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Cate Blanchett, Tár WINNER
Olivia Colman, Empire of Light
Viola Davis, The Woman King
Ana de Armas, Blonde
Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans

Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
Austin Butler, Elvis WINNER
Brendan Fraser, The Whale
Hugh Jackman, The Son
Bill Nighy, Living
Jeremy Pope, The Inspection

Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Babylon
The Banshees of Inisherin WINNER
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Triangle of Sadness

Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Lesley Manville, Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris
Margot Robbie, Babylon
Anya Taylor-Joy, The Menu
Emma Thompson, Good Luck to You, Leo Grande
Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once WINNER

Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Diego Calva, Babylon
Daniel Craig, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Adam Driver, White Noise
Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin WINNER
Ralph Fiennes, The Menu

Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever WINNER
Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin
Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Dolly de Leon, Triangle of Sadness
Carey Mulligan, She Said

Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin
Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin
Brad Pitt, Babylon
Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once WINNER
Eddie Redmayne, The Good Nurse

Director — Motion Picture
James Cameron, Avatar: The Way of Water
Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Baz Luhrmann, Elvis
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans WINNER

Screenplay — Motion Picture
Todd Field, Tár
Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin WINNER
Sarah Polley, Women Talking
Steven Spielberg and Tony Kushner, The Fabelmans

Original Score — Motion Picture
Carter Burwell, The Banshees of Inisherin
Alexandre Desplat, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Hildur Guðnadóttir, Women Talking
Justin Hurwitz, Babylon WINNER
John Williams, The Fabelmans

Original Song — Motion Picture
“Carolina” by Taylor Swift (Where the Crawdads Sing)
“Ciao Papa” by Alexandre Desplat, Roeban Katz, Guillermo del Toro (Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio)
“Hold My Hand” by Lady Gaga and Bloodpop (Top Gun: Maverick)
“Lift Me Up” by Tems, Ludwig Göransson, Rihanna and Ryan Coogler (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever)
“Naatu Naatu” by M.M. Keeravani, Chandrabose (RRR) WINNER

Motion Picture — Animated
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio WINNER
Inu-Oh
Marcel the Shell with Shoes On
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
Turning Red

Best Picture — Non-English Language
All Quiet on the Western Front
Argentina, 1985 WINNER
Close
Decision to Leave
RRR

Best Television Series — Drama
Better Call Saul
The Crown
House of the Dragon WINNER
Ozark
Severance

Actress in a Television Series — Drama
Emma D’Arcy, House of the Dragon
Laura Linney, Ozark
Imelda Staunton, The Crown
Hilary Swank, Alaska Daily
Zendaya, Euphoria WINNER

Actor in a Television Series, Drama
Jeff Bridges, The Old Man
Kevin Costner, Yellowstone WINNER
Diego Luna, Andor
Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul
Adam Scott, Severance

Best Musical/Comedy Series
Abbott Elementary WINNER
The Bear
Hacks
Only Murders in the Building
Wednesday

Television Actress — Musical/Comedy Series
Quinta Brunson, Abbott Elementary WINNER
Kaley Cuoco, The Flight Attendant
Selena Gomez, Only Murders in the Building
Jenna Ortega, Wednesday
Jean Smart, Hacks

Television Actor — Musical/Comedy Series
Donald Glover, Atlanta
Bill Hader, Barry
Steve Martin, Only Murders in the Building
Martin Short, Only Murders in the Building
Jeremy Allen White, The Bear WINNER

Supporting Actress — Musical-Comedy or Drama Television Series
Elizabeth Debicki, The Crown
Hannah Einbinder, Hacks
Julia Garner, Ozark WINNER
Janelle James, Abbott Elementary
Sheryl Lee Ralph, Abbott Elementary

Supporting Actor — Musical-Comedy or Drama Television Series
John Lithgow, The Old Man
Jonathan Pryce, The Crown
John Turturro, Severance
Tyler James Williams, Abbott Elementary WINNER
Henry Winkler, Barry

Best Limited Series, Anthology Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Black Bird
Dahmer — Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
The Dropout
Pam and Tommy
The White Lotus WINNER

Actress in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Jessica Chastain, George & Tammy
Julia Garner, Inventing Anna
Lily James, Pam and Tommy
Julia Roberts, Gaslit
Amanda Seyfried, The Dropout WINNER

Actor in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or Television Motion Picture
Taron Egerton, Black Bird
Colin Firth, The Staircase
Andrew Garfield, Under the Banner of Heaven
Evan Peters, Dahmer — Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story WINNER
Sebastian Stan, Pam & Tommy

Supporting Actress in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Jennifer Coolidge, The White Lotus WINNER
Claire Danes, Fleishman Is in Trouble
Daisy Edgar-Jones, Under the Banner of Heaven
Niecy Nash, Dahmer — Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Aubrey Plaza, The White Lotus

Supporting Actor in a Limited Series, Anthology Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
F. Murray Abraham, The White Lotus
Domhnall Gleeson, The Patient
Paul Walter Hauser, Black Bird WINNER
Richard Jenkins, Dahmer — Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story
Seth Rogen, Pam & Tommy