ABOVE: Bette Davis would be 116 today and GOD DAMN IT, she should have been!

BELOW: Keep reading for the East Coast earthquake, Andrew Scott's ass card and more ...

CBS NEWS: Yes, a 4.8-magnitude earthquake centered in Lebanon, New Jersey, is what you just felt, East Coasters. I am on the 9th floor of a very solid, old, former armory and it fuckin' shook for 30 seconds. I'm not exactly thrilled with my greenhouse-style rooftop windows at the mo', as I am envisioning Earthquake-style disastrous results. Take care! Let us hope that was the main event.

LIVE: Magnitude 5.5 earthquake strikes New York, New Jersey https://t.co/bwz4wPNy4F

— Reuters (@Reuters) April 5, 2024

P.S. Reuters is calling it 5.5; the 4.8 was preliminary.

JOE.MY.GOD.: Are ya better off today than ya were 4 years ago? Yup.

METRO WEEKLY: Bobby Carter has been dancing with Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo for THIRTY YEARS. That is forever and ever in dance.

POLITICO: Any gays attending a party hosted by Melania Trump at Mar-a-Lago need to be denied sex, because they can go fuck themselves.

All of us straining to see (GIF via GIPHY)

MY NEW PLAID PANTS: Jason gives us a Ripley-sized peek at Andrew Scott's bare butt.

TAMPA BAY: A nice piece on how Madonna is honoring her late best friend Martin Burgoyne in her Celebration Tour. She just played Tampa, where Martin's family has roots. Now, she's got three Miami shows, two in Austin, Texas, five in Mexico City ... and then she's done for good after a blow-out in Rio. Incredible thinking of all she was able to do since Martin died in 1986, and pondering what might have been for him and an entire generation of gay men cut down by AIDS.

The cover that helped lead new fans to wonder if Madonna might be Black (Image via Sire Records)