There's a winner in you — or perhaps you'd rather have the loser?! (GIF via GIPHY)

ABOVE: French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati had good news and bad news — good news, hung like a horse; bad news, his cock cost him success at the Olympics.

BELOW: Keep reading for the Olympics, the Kamalympics and more ...

Herstory made. Let's get it right this time. (Image via KamalaHarris.com)

KAMALAHARRIS.COM: As of August 2, 2024, VP Kamala Harris was the presumptive nominee for president of the Democratic Party, making her the first-ever woman of color and the first Indian-American person to be the presidential candidate of a major party.

(Image via The Adonis Lounge)

ADONIS LOUNGE: Tonight, NYC's legendary strip show the Adonis Lounge pops up with a shower show — remember Splash?!?!

POLITICO: Trump is too a'scared to debate Kamala on ABC as previously agreed, so he's come up with a Fox News (!) debate to pretend she's the a'scared one.

BARRONS: Former President Jimmy Carter is 99 years old. His birthday is October 1, and his 100th will be celebrated spectacularly in September, early. But his main goal is to live until October 15 — when he can early-vote for VP Kamala Harris. Georgia is in play, baby.

PAGE SIX: Why can't *I* find a long-lost Warhol work of art?!

SOCIALITE LIFE: Demi Moore is normalizing ... farting.

(Images via movie poster & video still)

KENNETH IN THE (212): Oh, Puddy!

WAPO: Imade Khelif, an Algerian woman whose gender became a huge issue at the Olympics (she was born female, but has a naturally occurring testosterone-driven condition that gives her some masculine traits and a masculine look), is winning anyway. Fuck JK Rowling and others who have attempted to use her as a way to further their anti-trans hate.

Well-suited (Image via Instagram)

GREG IN HOLLYWOOD: Olympian Adam Rippon LOVES his new suit.

OMG.BLOG!: Chinese gold medalists appear to be lesbian lovahs.

JOE.MY.GOD.: A fake elector in Arizona has reportedly agreed to flip, a major development in the election-interference case.

INSTAGRAM: My fave Tarzan was Gordon Scott, who would have turned 98 today. (Cheeta was going for it in that right photo!)