ABOVE: Not your father's robe. (Though those can be fun, too.)

BELOW: Keep reading for the South African gay movie Moffie, RIP Prince Philip and (more so) Anne Beatts, Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes recalled and more ...

ABOVE: It's very important NEVER to think you can't lose. It's far more important, as Trump ramps up his calls for violence, NEVER to think you can't win.

BELOW: Keep reading for a big, naked brother; Trump's call for violence (and promise only he can end it???); a rare Kennedy loser and more ...

ABOVE: Good lighting.

BELOW: Ex-gay gay porn star is now an ex-ex-gay gay porn star, Giuliani's 20-year-old grifter comms director and more ...

Miss Spain, Angela Ponce, is the competition's first-ever trans contestant. Though she failed to make the finals, her inclusion in the contest was already a big win for modernity.

I’m surprised @FLOTUS isn’t more adept at fending off a big orange elephant’s ass. She’s had to have many years of practice. pic.twitter.com/aW3d2RpjUo

— Michael Ⓜ️ (@michaelschweitz) October 6, 2018

ABOVE: Melania better watch her ass, because a dead wife would go a long way toward giving Trump sympathy, and he is a sucker for stunts. Meanwhile, Susan Collins is undecided as to whether that pachyderm almost trampled that colonialist mannequin.

BELOW: Keep reading for a non-sexually harassed Shawn Mendes, a gladiator movie to make Joey tingle, Susan Collins calls Dr. Blasey Ford a liar, a referendum on whether Bradley Cooper is fuckable, gay lovebirds are songbirds and much, much more ...

Miss Michigan did not miss a chance to ding her state's GOP last night! (Image via video still)

My ex used to be pageant-obsessed, and I enjoyed them, too — but always with some embarrassment, as they seemed to represent so much conservatism.

That may be changing.

First, we had contestants spanking Trump in their answers in 2017:

Above: He's 40 and fabulous. Suck it!

Below: Keep reading for a male model whose member is one you'll 'member, Trump's war on the NFL, Manafort's new legal troubles, Miss America dropping the swimsuit, a Sordid Lives star dies, and more ...

Above: That'll do it!

Below: Keep reading for Michael B. Jordan looking insanely hot and so much more...