ABOVE: This used to be what sold on the newsstand. Now, we get (BELOW) this:

BELOW: Keep reading for Darren Criss and John Stamos shirtless together, Trump's rigged Senate trial nears its self-defeating conclusion, Billy Porter meets Tamron Hall and more ...

ABOVE: Dark and lovely.

BELOW: Keep reading for stacks of studs, Streisand's about-face, Stamos's wardrobe malfunction and more...

(Video still via Instagram @johnstamos)

John Stamos was rockin' out onstage when he felt a breeze — I only wish the video captured a more revealing peek at the giant split in his pants ...

(Image via Twitter @JohnStamos)

John Stamos and Glen Powell shared a shower for a Scream Queens episode, proving once again that gay men should be in charge of more youth programming.

Video from the scene provided by Lea Michele after the jump ...

Sarah Palin says Donald Trump protesters engaging in "punk a-- little thuggery." https://t.co/4QDQ62T9VK pic.twitter.com/hxppYRqLHz

— ABC News (@ABC) March 14, 2016

This could be the day the U.S. decides to off itself.

Donald Trump probably violated the law in promising Ben Carson a job.

Broad City girls lose their sh*t over Hillary Clinton. Must be Floridians.

Broad City's Hillary episode airs March 16 at 10 p.m. on Comedy Central (Image via Comedy Central)

SON OF UBER: Kalamazoo shooter says app controlled him.

Sexy John Stamos, covered in goo.

Xena: Warrior Princess reboot goes full-lesbian?

(Image via NBC)

John Stamos by Brian Bowen Smith for Paper

Paper's “Break the Internet” proclivities are well-honed. This time, they're showing off John Stamos's cute rump (plus I have it on good authority that a popular Web hottie is going full-moon in the same issue).

Debbie Reynolds is dishing the decades-old dirt, including Scotty Bowers goss.

Ben Carson literally thinks Jews with guns could've averted the Holocaust.

John Stamos uses GHB to lean out.

Gee, Paul Ryan is really failing upward.

Gets no hotter than THAT.

Genre-bending fantasy!

Pan? EW.

How to guess if your kid will be gay.

Loving this bendy boy's SPREAD.

First teaser for that O.J. Simpson flick.

Taylor Swift is taking a break?

Is it PC run amok to object to a kids' toy featuring a slave?

Speaking of Hollywood beards ...!

Gay marriage came to TV October 9, 1977! Keep reading to see ...

What follows is my personal list of History's 50 Hottest TV Actors. Feel free to chime in with the guys you think I left out, the ones I love who you hate and with any corrections. Before freaking out, read Part 2 (#51—#100). And check out list of History's 100 Hottest Movie Actors, too. As a bonus, in the gallery above are 15 extra shirtless shots of some of the hottest of the hot.

And Joan Collins tried to act like she barely remembered him when I asked her!

#1 Jon-Erik Hexum (1957—1984) An easy pick for favorite is Hexum, who smoldered so deeply in the '80s it hardly mattered whether or not he was straight; his sexuality was superseded by his overall sexual energy. He died tragically, a sort of masculine counterpart to Marilyn Monroe, albeit one who died before he could reach true stardom rather than after having conquered it in every way imaginable. Voyagers! (1982—1983), Making of a Male Model (1983), Cover Up (1984)

Williams, bulging with raw talent

#2 Van Williams (1934—) TV's Green Hornet looks like he walked out of 2012 in beefcake shots he posed for 50 years ago. A classically handsome man with a bit of a Thomas Roberts air about him. And still handsome today as a geezer. Bourbon Street Beat (1959—1960), Surfside 6 (1963), The Tycoon (1964—1965), Batman/The Green Hornet (1966—1967), Westwind (1975)

This Trapper was a keeper

#3 Gregory Harrison (1950—) He always looked like he'd just spent the previous night and early morning romping around with a couple of sex partners on Trapper John, M.D. Also, his self-produced For Ladies Only absolutely, positively wasn't. What I loved about him was a suggestive look he always managed to give the camera. That, and the fact that when I met him and we were about to pose for a photo, he suggested his best side was his backside. Logan's Run (1977—1978), Centennial (1978—1979), Trapper John, M.D. (1979—1986), For Ladies Only (1981), The Fighter (1983), Falcon Crest (1989—1990), The Family Man (1990—1991), Safe Harbor (1999)

I've wrestled with a lifelong Robert Conrad addiction

#4 Robert Conrad (1929—) The incredibly handsome lead of The Wild Wild West had a sardonic delivery as well as an ass that just would not quit, at least not in those allegedly period Western pants. He was still fuckable as all hell in Black Sheep Squadron, which gave him an excuse to parade about in a Speedo and struggle for male supremacy with guys half his age (he was only 47 or so himself) like Scott Baio on Battle of the Network Stars. Hawaiian Eye (1959—1963), The Wild Wild West (1965—1969), The D.A. (1971—1972), Black Sheep Squadron (1976—1978), Battle of the Network Stars (1976), A Man Called Sloane (1979)

So Bloomin' hot!

#5 Brian Bloom (1970—) I first fell for him when we were teenagers—he was so smokin' hot on his soap I was surprised he could be broadcast in the daytime. Back then, I never could have imagined that in 20 or 25 years he'd be buck-naked in a prison shower on television. Makes me wonder what we'll be watching during the "family hour" 20 years from now. As the World Turns (1983—1987), 2000 Malibu Road (2000), Oz (2001)