There's one thing you miss ... and ... that's ... Moretz? (Images via IG & Herb Ritts)
Madonna's biopic may have seemed like a lark at first, but then again, revealing she was earnestly working on a screenplay with the seriously talented and successful Diablo Cody was probably a tip-off that movie-wise, Breathless was back in business.
Now that she has forced Universal's hand — the studio announced that the as-yet-untitled biopic will be produced by Amy Pascal and directed by non-charlatan Madonna herself — it's time to realize that this movie, its fortunes perhaps buoyed by the hits that were Bohemian Rhapsody and Rocketman, could be not only an eventual reality, but on the proverbial fast track.
Presuming a suitable screenplay is completed within, say, another couple of months, and presuming that filming is not hopelessly hamstrung by the coronavirus, the movie could feasibly drop as early as 2022.
In honor of this coming triumph or disaster (I am rooting for a triumph), I have taken a little time to list just a few of the people who may be depicted in the movie, and to cast them. You're welcome, Madonna!!!
It is impossible to know who will make the cut, because in order to squish the legend of Madonna into two hours, heads must roll. One could come up with dozens of ways to frame her life and career — imagine how different a biopic entitled Live to Tell would be from one entitled, say, Burning Up. Therefore, I am choosing almost 80 people who could appear in some capacity.
I wish Madonna and her team all the best, both for their own success and for selfish reasons — because what inveterate Madonna fan would not fucking love to have her make a brilliant movie about her life that reveals crazy secrets, cements her status as one of the most important and impactful artists in history and, I dunno, wins an Oscar or four?
My dream cast ...