What an utterly tragic and sad, senseless injustice! I am so sorry for your loss, Matt, and you have illuminated your friendship with Zafar so radiantly here. The line about sharing his location sent a shiver down my spine. I hope they were able to die holding hands or comforting each other. Most importantly, I hope the perpetrators are brought to complete justice. Wrapping my head around this is difficult and I did not even know them. HUGE hugs from California, Matt. I hope Zafar comes to you in a warm and moonlit dream!
I have many more I can share eventually. I'm so pleased you saw and liked it. I did not want to send it directly to any family members, as I think it can become intrusive — not knowing when is a good time. Your words please me so much. Love.
Hearing friends' stories and feeling your love for Zafar is really the most healing thing for me now. He is so incredibly precious to me and I will always hold him so close to my heart. I would love to connect more. ❤️
Hi Matthew, this is Zafar's cousin on his dad's side. I wanted to reach out and thank you so much for this tribute. It really touched my heart ❤️ I read it a few weeks back but did not have the words. Today I thought of you & wanted to reach out. As you may or may not be aware, Z's body has finally been returned to the US today after a lengthy process handled by his mum's side of the fam. July 11 also happens to be the same date that many decades ago Shah Karim became the Aga Khan, which until he passed we would celebrate each year as "Imamat Day". When I first read your tribute I laughed out loud when you shared the "rich & dark" joke and that photo I had never before seen. I felt closer to Z because we grew up in different countries and he was older, but your story affirmed how we shared the same sense of humor and I was so grateful. Now I am sharing this coincidence of the date of his arrival because in my heart it feels like a message to you, his dear friend and chosen fam, and I can feel his deep gratitude for you & all that you shared together including the best inside jokes. Lots of love. Salina 💕 (Mawani on my mum's side)
Thank you for this deeply touching comment. Zafar was truly very funny, and sweet always. I'm relieved that what must have been a terrible process to get him to the U.S. again is over. I just feel so bad for all his loved ones, and connecting in this way helps.
This was so intense to read. So much joy for life and so much pain. Unsurprisingly to me, you’ve described something very personal and at the same time covered something so universal, friendship, in its deepest meaning. Really moved that you went to Pride parade with that T shirt. May the love of Zafar always be with you. 💙
We’re alll caught up in such a fast processing pace that sometimes we don’t read , don’t look, don’t think. But your story, and the memory of your friend, will linger.
I am sorry for your loss. I was sick to my stomach when you first wrote about Zafar and Guillermo having gone missing. It doesn't matter how you lose someone you love, I have never known it not to be devastating, but the added level of violence makes it so much harder to process. You have been part of my life since you started writing your original blog so I certainly like your work and your life. It is lovely reading your memories and seeing the images of your friendship. My heart breaks for you and Zafar & Guillermo's families.
Matt, thanks for this beautiful tribute to Zafar. It was both difficult and therapeutic for me to read. There is so much about Zafar that I missed, that you were a part of up close. Although it’s too late for me to grasp all this solidly, your tribute gave me some additional glimpses to cherish, for which I’m grateful.
I'm SO sorry Matthew. Your writing, as always is from the heart - and those of us who've had relationships like yours and Zafar's completely understand the connection and depth of your emotions. Like you wrote, here today, gone tomorrow is like a freight train - especially in such an unnecessary, random and brutal way. Originally, my thought was that at least they were together and then I realized - no, that couldn't have been comforting to either of them. I've known of several completely random acts of violence throughout my life and they're never reconciled. Keep writing about Zafar and Guillermo. It keeps them filled with life. May their memories be for a blessing and may you be comforted that you had Zafar in your life for so many happy(ier) years..
I truly believe that there's more once we leave this earth. I have no clue what awaits us but I've been with enough people at the moment of their transition to know that pain, grief, fear and all our human frailties aren't part of our souls. As Carl Sagan said (paraphrased): “The universe is a pretty big place. If this is all there is, it seems like an awful waste of space.” Whoever or whatever designed everything just right (except for the swallowing issue), HAD to have figured out a way for our souls to live on. So, I believe that Zafar and Guillermo are safely together - somewhere.
My deepest condolences, Matthew. Your friends live on in your heart and the hearts of all who knew and loved them. I hope that writing about them and sharing your stories will give you some comfort and assuage your grief. Love lives on.
Matthew, of course you use your writing skills to create a loving, vivid, and heartfelt-but-real portrait of your friend. What a devastating loss; what a fantastic tribute. All my best wishes to you.
I have felt sickened by what happened to Zafar and Guillermo, and I didn’t have the pleasure and honor of personally knowing them. But I have been through enough that I can have a sense of what you have been - and are - going through. Thank you for sharing all of this. As I have a hunch you already know, the only way to get through the rough stuff is to face it head on (and to be gentle with yourself when you just can’t). Life is rich and full, but sometimes it can be senseless and heartbreaking. Hopefully we all get far more of the former than the latter. For myself, some of the trauma I carry might never go away, but none of the people I mourn would want me to live in it. They would have wanted me to have the full life that they were deprived of.
I'm sorry for your loss, Matthew. I lost a number of people over the last year, none violently, but one just as personal, sudden and devastating. You express very well the disbelief, the difficulty squaring it with reality. One aspect, is the number of things you shared only with that person, things no one else will ever know. It feels surreal. Your line, "It feels like something foundational in my life was ripped away for no reason." hit me. Your tribute is wonderfully written.
What an utterly tragic and sad, senseless injustice! I am so sorry for your loss, Matt, and you have illuminated your friendship with Zafar so radiantly here. The line about sharing his location sent a shiver down my spine. I hope they were able to die holding hands or comforting each other. Most importantly, I hope the perpetrators are brought to complete justice. Wrapping my head around this is difficult and I did not even know them. HUGE hugs from California, Matt. I hope Zafar comes to you in a warm and moonlit dream!
As always, I appreciate you chiming in. In this case, you're very kind to take a moment to acknowledge the boys. Thank you.
My heart hurts for you and for everyone who loved them.
Thank you so much for this deeply thoughtful tribute Matthew. It was so healing for me to read, and see your photos. ❤️🙏🏽
I have many more I can share eventually. I'm so pleased you saw and liked it. I did not want to send it directly to any family members, as I think it can become intrusive — not knowing when is a good time. Your words please me so much. Love.
Hearing friends' stories and feeling your love for Zafar is really the most healing thing for me now. He is so incredibly precious to me and I will always hold him so close to my heart. I would love to connect more. ❤️
Hi Matthew, this is Zafar's cousin on his dad's side. I wanted to reach out and thank you so much for this tribute. It really touched my heart ❤️ I read it a few weeks back but did not have the words. Today I thought of you & wanted to reach out. As you may or may not be aware, Z's body has finally been returned to the US today after a lengthy process handled by his mum's side of the fam. July 11 also happens to be the same date that many decades ago Shah Karim became the Aga Khan, which until he passed we would celebrate each year as "Imamat Day". When I first read your tribute I laughed out loud when you shared the "rich & dark" joke and that photo I had never before seen. I felt closer to Z because we grew up in different countries and he was older, but your story affirmed how we shared the same sense of humor and I was so grateful. Now I am sharing this coincidence of the date of his arrival because in my heart it feels like a message to you, his dear friend and chosen fam, and I can feel his deep gratitude for you & all that you shared together including the best inside jokes. Lots of love. Salina 💕 (Mawani on my mum's side)
Thank you for this deeply touching comment. Zafar was truly very funny, and sweet always. I'm relieved that what must have been a terrible process to get him to the U.S. again is over. I just feel so bad for all his loved ones, and connecting in this way helps.
This was so intense to read. So much joy for life and so much pain. Unsurprisingly to me, you’ve described something very personal and at the same time covered something so universal, friendship, in its deepest meaning. Really moved that you went to Pride parade with that T shirt. May the love of Zafar always be with you. 💙
Thanks. Someone on Twitter, regarding the shot of me in the shirt, sniffed, "Why did you include a SELFIE in the middle of this, ugh."
We’re alll caught up in such a fast processing pace that sometimes we don’t read , don’t look, don’t think. But your story, and the memory of your friend, will linger.
I am sorry for your loss. I was sick to my stomach when you first wrote about Zafar and Guillermo having gone missing. It doesn't matter how you lose someone you love, I have never known it not to be devastating, but the added level of violence makes it so much harder to process. You have been part of my life since you started writing your original blog so I certainly like your work and your life. It is lovely reading your memories and seeing the images of your friendship. My heart breaks for you and Zafar & Guillermo's families.
Thank you so much. I never had a positive feeling about it, but I kept kind of hoping for the best.
Matt, thanks for this beautiful tribute to Zafar. It was both difficult and therapeutic for me to read. There is so much about Zafar that I missed, that you were a part of up close. Although it’s too late for me to grasp all this solidly, your tribute gave me some additional glimpses to cherish, for which I’m grateful.
Thank you, Josh.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking.
Thanks, Mike.
I'm SO sorry Matthew. Your writing, as always is from the heart - and those of us who've had relationships like yours and Zafar's completely understand the connection and depth of your emotions. Like you wrote, here today, gone tomorrow is like a freight train - especially in such an unnecessary, random and brutal way. Originally, my thought was that at least they were together and then I realized - no, that couldn't have been comforting to either of them. I've known of several completely random acts of violence throughout my life and they're never reconciled. Keep writing about Zafar and Guillermo. It keeps them filled with life. May their memories be for a blessing and may you be comforted that you had Zafar in your life for so many happy(ier) years..
Thank you, yes, I worry and think about the togetherness aspect a lot.
I truly believe that there's more once we leave this earth. I have no clue what awaits us but I've been with enough people at the moment of their transition to know that pain, grief, fear and all our human frailties aren't part of our souls. As Carl Sagan said (paraphrased): “The universe is a pretty big place. If this is all there is, it seems like an awful waste of space.” Whoever or whatever designed everything just right (except for the swallowing issue), HAD to have figured out a way for our souls to live on. So, I believe that Zafar and Guillermo are safely together - somewhere.
My deepest condolences, Matthew. Your friends live on in your heart and the hearts of all who knew and loved them. I hope that writing about them and sharing your stories will give you some comfort and assuage your grief. Love lives on.
Thank you. Writing is the only help for me. It's so hard to keep thinking about what a shame this all is.
I'm so sorry to hear this. Lovely tribute.
Much appreciated.
Wonderful tribute!
Thank you so much, James.
Matthew, of course you use your writing skills to create a loving, vivid, and heartfelt-but-real portrait of your friend. What a devastating loss; what a fantastic tribute. All my best wishes to you.
Thank you, Joe.
A beautiful tribute.
I have felt sickened by what happened to Zafar and Guillermo, and I didn’t have the pleasure and honor of personally knowing them. But I have been through enough that I can have a sense of what you have been - and are - going through. Thank you for sharing all of this. As I have a hunch you already know, the only way to get through the rough stuff is to face it head on (and to be gentle with yourself when you just can’t). Life is rich and full, but sometimes it can be senseless and heartbreaking. Hopefully we all get far more of the former than the latter. For myself, some of the trauma I carry might never go away, but none of the people I mourn would want me to live in it. They would have wanted me to have the full life that they were deprived of.
Anyway, much love to you Matthew!
Thank you, Mark, for this thoughtful comment. I really appreciate this.
I appreciate that.
This is a beautiful remembrance Matt. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friends , this is as sickening as it is sad. Sending you hugs.
I'm sorry for your loss, Matthew. I lost a number of people over the last year, none violently, but one just as personal, sudden and devastating. You express very well the disbelief, the difficulty squaring it with reality. One aspect, is the number of things you shared only with that person, things no one else will ever know. It feels surreal. Your line, "It feels like something foundational in my life was ripped away for no reason." hit me. Your tribute is wonderfully written.